SHAME ON THE SHAM POLLS
Today one channel and news paper are trumpeting that they conducted an opinion poll on a rookie party's governance after fifteen days' of their take over and that voters are "gung ho" on their talents. Though laughable, this kind of 'trash' on visual media is the order of the day. I thought I could share my earlier blog on the subject. Most of the opinion polls conducted with a single point agenda prove wrong if conducted months before polls as may remain undecided till the last date.
The other day I happened to view an "opinion poll" telecast on a national news channel. I usually avoid this, as it increases friction among family members. Our votes go en bloc to a particular party but our opinions on the parties differ. If opinions are different and polls different in a family of four voters, how far can they be true of a country as diverse as India? This is a question raised by my son. I said I was viewing it for fun and would share a little pun with readers of my blog and conduct an opinion poll among them about what I wrote. My wife joined the chorus, "What is this nonsense of an opinion poll when we do not know whether polls will be held or an emergency declared to avoid polls?" It is true. In 1975 Late Mrs. Indira Gandhi declared Emergency in the face of mounting anti-incumbency and extended the term of Parliament, by keeping all opposing voices stuffed in and stifled behind prison walls.
As I said, I viewed this show with particular interest for the fun that it offers. As usual the "Poll Show Host", as we might call him, appeared on the full screen and advised us to tighten our seat belts. "Hold your breath", he said. "The pre-poll survey covers four states that might go to polls, when, God alone knows", he said. Poll dates were yet to be announced. He started introducing the psephologist and the panellists who were expected to express their opinions on the polls. The total time allocated was one hour for the show. The show starts now.
"Friends, you know Mr. Columbus, who has explored many elections before" Face of Mr. Columbus was not shown. Instead a beaming famous lady anchor came on the screen. Then, he went on introducing other panellists showing just two faces and the rest of the time only the host was seen on the screen. There were a total of ten panellists. While introducing one panellist, he chuckled mockingly and said "He predicted elections during 2013 and that did not happen". He meant, by the way, that opinions of that panellist did not matter. At which, the respected gentleman spoke at length for five minutes why his assessment went wrong, during the whole time of which the host and other panellists were involved in cross talk making it impossible to know what was happening. In the meantime, the lady anchor started shouting "Time is limited. Let us start with the first state"
After order was restored, the host spelt out which state would follow which, without explaining rhyme or reason why they were following the pattern. He started with a small state with 70 seats and gleefully said that the main opposition could not cash on the anti incumbency factor against the present government and a fledgling party would poll 16 per cent vote share. If he stopped there it would have sounded good. He asked Columbus, "Mr. Columbus! Did you factor in the announcement of the PM candidate by the main opposition?". At which the gleeful Columbus said, " This survey was done 48 hours after the PM candidate was declared and hence his influence on voters was totally factored in".
Now, to the brass tacks. The PM announcement was made on the 13th evening. Forty eight hours from then was the 15th evening or 16th morning. The show was telecast on the 18th night at 7 P.M. No panellist pointed out to this anomaly as there was no chance offered. We should assume that the PM announcement percolated down to the last voter in 48 hours and within the next 48 hours they expressed their opinions and these opinions were scientifically analysed and conclusions were drawn to be thrust upon our minds! Well! If India is so developed, we need not entertain any grouse. We bow to the great psephologist and his team.
Then he asked one panellist, what she felt about it. As expected, she said it was trash and passed a derogatory comment on an opposing party at which the representative of that party took umbrage and started bombarding the other party panellist. Both started talking simultaneously in loud voices thumping the desk or whatever it was in front of them. The host who felt entertained thoroughly for two minutes, suddenly shouted. "Ladies, now we have Mr. Hus Math Singh (he never smiled), the political analyst on line from Delhi. "Mr. Has Math, what do you say about the recent poll? Do you feel the new PM candidate of the opposition failed to cut much ice with voters?" " Mr.Hus Math! Mr. HusMath! " he shouted loudly. "Are you able to hear me? Hus Math Jee, Jee", he repeated several times.
Mr. Hus Math suddenly caught the line and said with a grave face ,"Yes! Certainly. I have been saying this since a decade. Nobody heard."
"But, this is a recent development, Mr. Hus ", the host intervened. "Rubbish! Don't talk in the middle.", he shouted from Delhi. The line was cut abruptly. "Sorry, friends, we lost Hus Math for now and we shall move to the other State." Then suddenly the other eight panellists who were given no chance to talk, expressed their own opinions, in loud voices simultaneously. Unconcerned, the host went on from state to state and declared that even though the main opposition was winning in one state handsomely, the new PM candidate had no role, as there was incumbency factor locally. In the other state the incumbent CM of the main opposition party was increasing his vote share, thus making him greater than the new PM candidate, who though winning his state a third time, could not increase his vote share. The final state was a small state and here the incumbent CM of the main opposition party was winning a third term. But, here too the new PM candidate had no role and even if he had, it did not count much as it was a very small state. Thus saying, he smiled wryly. Satisfaction of having successfully rebutted the tall claims of the Opposition party about the larger than life image of their new PM candidate, was clearer on his face than the blue sky on a Sunny day.
I started shouting imitating the TV host. "What is this? They could have named it as opinion poll on the new PM candidate of the main opposition Party. Why are so enamoured or repulsive with his presence? What is it, that these people fear about him? " I would have continued further. But my son observed the change in my complexion and asked his mother to bring the BP measuring digital instrument.
Before the instrument was brought out, he changed the channel to Hollywood Movies and settled on Star Movies, where the film "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels" was playing, and he caustically said " This film on dirty rotten scoundrels is better, they entertain us and reduce dad's BP.". We enjoyed the film in which Steve Martin, Michael Caine and Glenn Headly really excelled.
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Disclaimer: This is a humour blog meant to be laughed at. The characters herein appear to us in real life daily, though no real life character was kept in mind Some of the dialogues written here are heard by us regularly ans some were taken verbatim.
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