TALK SHOW FREAKS

I saw a tweet early in the morning from a famous TV talk show host.  It read, "Good Morning! It is raining. Tonight, our talk show @ 9 p.m. Sree Rama is a polariser  Join. Express your views." I tweeted back," What can we say?You already expressed an opinion."  He replied,"That is how talk shows are held here". I did not pursue. I waited to hear the views of panellists on a very amusing subject. 

Sharp at 9 p.m. the talk show host occupied the whole T.V.Screen and shouted in a loud voice. "So! Audience, tonight we are here to agree (?)  "Sree Rama is a polariser". 

One member shouted in a shrill voice," Without discussion, how can you declare so?' The host shouted back," No. Wait,wait, wait, wait wait, wait, Mr.Avivek! I still did not give you a chance to talk. First, let me finish. You can talk if and when you get a chance" At which, all other panellists started talking at the same time with each other and with the host. 

"No. No. No,No, No." The host repeated several times before calm returned to the studio. "Friends! we are losing valuable time here. Let me put forth the point. There is no dispute on that. We will vote that we agree. Then each will be given a chance to talk. Now, the point is "Sree Rama is a polariser". The erstwhile dissenter wanted to raise a point but was shouted down by other panellists and the host. 

"Now, let me introduce the honourable panellists.", the host continued. "Here is Mr.Avivek Rao " The said person said "My name is A.Vivekrao." 

"Sorry gentleman. In TV Studios, we don't use commas or full stops. It is 24X7 and non-stop. Now, next to him is Mr. Avignan Murthy, the other is Mr. Avendanth Sarma, and finally our lady panellist Miss Alakshana. They are experts in their fields. Only we don't know what their fields of study are and we are not concerned with that, as our subject is "Sree Rama is a polariser"

Now, let me tell briefly the story of Ramayana. "You might have read it but some in the audience may not be knowing. Even if all know, I will tell." He started with "King Dasaratha had ten horses, three wives, four children and ended the story with Sree Rama, killing Ravana and bringing back his wife, Sita." It took a full half an hour non-stop, breathless talking by the host. Then few advertisements on Axe, the female polariser and Lux soap, the male polariser and Cadbury's etc., the child polariser were played for good ten minutes. 

The host appeared on the full screen again and saw his watch. "So gentlemen, we are hardly left with 15 minutes for discussion. Now, quickly, very, very quickly answer my question. Now, Mr. Avivek Rao, Sree Rama is a polariser. Do you agree or not?"  Avivek straightened in his chair, adjusted his microphone and started, "Ramayana is not fiction" 

The host jumped from his chair. "No, no, no, no Mr.Avivek, I only asked a question; say yes or no. Our time is limited. You can not brag and drag. Please answer the question, Yes or No?

"But, I came here ...",

"No, ifs and buts in TV studios , Sir", Host shouted. A fly sat on the nose of Mr.Avivek exactly then and he nodded his head to drive that away. 

"So, you agree. Tat is one. Now, let us proceed to the next gentleman. Yes Mr. Avignan, what do you say?" 

"Yes"  

"Another yes! OK. It makes two. Who is the gentleman sitting by your side Sir? He is not on the panel."

"He is my ENT consultant. Talk Show specialist. Before leaving your studio, he will check my ear drums. So, there will be no delay and damage". 

"Is it, gentleman?" the host asked the Doctor. The Doctor sat bewildered. 

"Why? what is your problem? Say Yes or No. I asked you a question. You should answer. No exits here."

"He is short of hearing. Once, he participated in your talk show 'Do talk shows affect ear drums?' and he lost his." Mr. Avignan told, chuckling.

"Oh! Sorry to hear that. What do you say,Doctor. Sree Rama is a polariser. Yes or No? Quick."

The ENT heard the earlier question now. His ear drums are not totally broken. Only, what others say reaches him after a while, like the erstwhile ISD calls."

To that question he answered, "yes".

"Very good, now we are in majority. We will move on" The host was elated, he was jumping, smiling and showing such other characteristics  of a man winning a Lotto. 

"You, Sir Mr. Avedanth, what do you say?"

"I take strong objection to the way you are conducting the talk show." He shouted breathlessly, lest the host interfere again.

"I know how to conduct a talk show. You can not question my authority.Now, answer my question. Yes or no?" 

"No!" he emphatically cried.

I take it yes too, as he blinked a little before saying 'no'. In our show there is no place for ambiguity. We are very clear in our approach. Noted? Gentlemen. Now, let us hear the lone woman voice. Yes! Madam! Please tell "Yes" or "No"

She adjusted her spectacles, smiled at the audience and said," Yesh! Kyon Ki...."

"No Saas Bahu' stories here, Madam! Sorry! Yesh or no, that is all"

"You shiily boy! Let me complete. Kyon ki, Mein mere bachpan mein Rama bolke ladka ko bahuth pasand kartha tha! He polarised me!"

"Not that Rama Madam. OK. All the four panellists and one guest panellist agreed on our point. 

"It is almost time gentlemen and the nice lady. We are left with jut five minutes. There is a caller on the phone waiting for an hour."  And the host answered the phone.

"Yes! Talk Show Freaks here. May I help you?"

"Help yourself, you dumb ass! You asked me to call and ask a question. Forgot? You dumb head. Now here is the question you gave me, 'How can you conclude that Rama was a polariser?"

"Yes! Madam, now I recall. Yes,yes,yes,yes. Your question! See, when Rama went out of Ayodhya the whole Ayodhya wanted to accompany him to the forest. What more polarisation you needed? No dissent. They all loved him equally. And then,. when he constructed Ramsethu, all animals like monkeys, bears, even squirrels helped Him. Is it advisable to take help from all? How can all love him so much?  If this is not polarisation what else is? So, we decided Sree Rama was a great polariser"

The other side disconnected the phone. "Your wife?" asked Miss Alakkshana, chuckling. The others too joined chorus! The ENT, who is short of hearing heard it outside the Studio and heartily laughed. Whether they agreed to the point raised by the "talk show" host or not we do not know for aeons. But they all agreed that it was a "Talk Show" as the host talked throughout without commas and full stops.

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Disclaimer: This is a Humour Blog to lighten to hearts of readers. It is not intended to belittle any one nor criticise.